A funny thing happened to me at the gym the other day. I stood there, my breathing ragged, my muscles burning and sweat pouring off me _ and that was from just walking up the stairs to the place _ and a thought came to me. No, a thought coming to me wasn't the funny thing, or how old and useless I am, thank you very much, it was how much like people computers are. Before you start popping a cork, let me explain.
There are too many comparisons to ignore. Some are big, some are small. Some are fast and some are slow. Some are sexy and some aren't. Some are good and some are not so good. And, just like us, computers age, and while some age gracefully most do not. Remember back when you bought your computer _ assuming it was a new machine and not some fourth-hand slapper from Trade Me _ it was like the 1950's Marlon Brando; lean, cool and bursting at the seams with barely restrained machismo. However, today, months later, your once virile and buff computer has become the 1990's Marlon Brando; bloated, faded, definitely un-studly and the butt of jokes among your golf buddies. One could even say old and useless. The tragedy is that the most hard-core, whizz-bang, mega-dollar computer of today is going to end up this way, possibly during the time it takes you to finish reading this article.

Computers are like people because we made them in our own image. We made them to do the same things we do but to do them faster and better. We modelled them on ourselves; they have a brain (CPU), memory (RAM), a stomach (hard drive) and a 3.5 inch floppy (3.5 inch floppy). Little wonder then that their life-cycle is similar to ours as well. When they are new they are fast and sexy and work brilliantly yet when they get old they slow down, lose their appeal and become expensive to keep alive.
The big difference is when we get old, we don't automatically become useless. People these days are more vital and productive into their autumn years thanks to a healthy diet, plenty of exercise and a government that wants to raise the retirement age so they don't have to pay out pensions because they already spent all the baby-boomers' savings on making their books look good. Now it can't or won't see its way clear to propping up the Super fund with some of Cullen's invisible "record" surplus and, and _ well _ I'm sorry, but I can't say any more because I promised I wouldn't get political in this column.

Back to my point (yes, there was one). Old computers, like old people, are prone to breakage, their memory often fails and after a while they can't be trusted to do the things they used to do, such as handling financial transactions or looking after anything valuable. But there is hope. Computers can be upgraded _ simply change all the old bits for new ones and off you go again. And like computers, people are increasingly able to change parts and keep going another few years.
We can swap a knee, hip or kidney, a lung or two and a heart. We can also transplant bone- marrow, livers, corneas, fingers, hands and now even a whole face. Plus, if we don't like something about ourselves we can easily upgrade it; our noses, breasts, teeth, abs, lips, hair and other, ahem, more private bits, just like we can on our computers. I suppose the day will come when we can transplant a brain, and then we are on the way to social and political turmoil, er, no, what I really meant was, a wonderful and exciting future.

So, it seems that in both people and computers if we don't like something we can simply replace it, and so old age doesn't necessarily equal uselessness. What a relief.